For the past few weeks, I have been posting a series of an unhappy story about a girl called Anny. This is the final article on her story and I would like to say a few words and finish this series.
The only thing I want to say about an abnormal mother is that there are curable mothers and incurable mothers.
You see lots of “bad parents”- or “bad mom”-criticizing books on the market, but the root of the problem will not be solved unless the subject fully realizes how messed up she is. And most of the books usually have the same solutions like; be calm, talk it over, she might be struggling as you do and blah blah blah.
There is a reason for people to go craycray.
The first factor is the environment in which “the mother” grew up. Maybe her grandmother was way crazier than her? Maybe grandma neglected her or abandoned her or never showed affection.
Then, the time and the country in which the mother grew up. Was it during WW2? The 80s? The 90s? People in suburban areas tend to be more conservative than people who live in the cities. There is no good or bad in that, but the area a person lives in shapes his/her way of thinking. Try comparing someone who lived in the post-WW2 era Tokyo, in 1991 in Russia, and someone who lived in the U.S. for ages. Thoughts, ideas, and generations can be very dangerous.
Next, of course, the personality of the mother. What shapes her is 50% nature and 50% nurture. Her wild and uncontrollable actions may be coming out from her personality traits.
Economical and financial situation greatly impact the way a mother thinks. At first, she may think she has to feed her precious baby. Then she may change her mind and think what if this baby were never here? Money doesn’t solve everything, but money solves most of the things.
A mother may be very weak and introverted, may be very lonely thus resulting in flings and one-night stands with whoever shows her some fake affection that so painfully looks authentic. (Typical mother who falls in love with douches)
And there is, of course, a genetic or clinical reason for the mother’s insanity. If there is a member in your family who has schizophrenia, then it is likely that your child or someone in your family will have or already has the genes for the outbreak. Mental illness is very tricky in that sense that the person can look very “normal”. It is so difficult to diagnose someone with a mental illness even for the psychiatric professionals. Anny’s mom was in and out of the hospital but her doctor used to say her actions were half from her illness and half because of her personality.
So what should you do if your mother is the incurable type?
The answer is: Leave her. Run away. Incurable mother doesn’t really care about the authorities, she doesn’t care how annoying and troublesome she is, doesn’t care of the fact that she hasn’t got any friends UNLESS she is aware of her insanity. I mean, those kinds of people even won’t go to a hospital because they don’t think there is something wrong with them.
The problem with the incurable mother lies in her lack of awareness. She may say she is aware of her insanity, but in reality, she is NOT! Thus, she won’t do anything, won’t improve her attitude and overall doesn’t reflect on her actions. If she was being aware, she would have taken preventative measures, made sure to take whatever medications, gone to a counseling or rehabilitation, and made some effort.
The society we live in right now is very cold toward those people. Society can’t force hospitalization on anyone even those who are obviously ill and threatening to the society. Seemingly, they are normal. Inside, they are rotten. No restrictions or limitations on them. So what adults can do is to avoid those people. The victim is always their children.
Unfortunately, the incurable mother doesn’t understand what it’s like to have a good friend, what it’s like to work hard and earn money, to follow the social rules and to have a normal life. They live in the utopian world created inside their heads. They say “the society is wrong”. Yes, indeed it may be the society to blame for. But never the children.
Thus, what you can do is to get away from her physically. Support-call-centers are useless, they never help or support. Talking to someone never solves the actual problem.
At first, it might be very difficult to live on your own, especially if you are very young. But trust me, healthy life can be led with less money than you think. First 6 months will be hard. I’m not going to sugar-coat it. You will save every penny and will not have any entertainments. If you ran away, you may not even have furniture or food at first.
Eventually, you will find better job opportunities, have better income and will be able to have a decent life.
If you are already rich enough to have your own life far away from your mother, be confident to go ahead and grab it because you deserve it.
Now, talking about the incurable mother who has a heavy mental illness. She didn’t choose to be that way. I know it might sound painful to you and you might get pissed at me for saying this, but you can’t be mad at someone who is ill. If she is insufferable to be with, pity her. We all don’t ask the challenged people why they are not like us. The same applies to the mother.
Don’t live for your mother. Live for your own self. Live for your own child. After all, the mother already messed up her own and your lives.
*Throughout the “-Story of Anny-” series, I did not deal with more severe cases like domestic violence or child abuse. If that is the case, go to the police immediately before running away.