I lived (not) too long, was occasionally mesmerized by how blue the sky was, was depressed from time to time, meditated a few mornings, and lived 20+ years.
And here is what I want you to remember, so you’re not going to waste your life. Once upon a time, human beings developed 4 unproductive emotions….
I don’t think there is such a strong emotion that we can feel that is equivalent to this. Jealousy is a dirty, unproductive emotion that also can be a driving force for the all urges. Jealousy can be an envious feeling towards someone’s success, or towards your loved one, or really toward anyone. Jealousy is thinking “ah I wish I had that” and being irritated at the same time. You may even get irritated at yourself for thinking that way. I mean, I can understand if you are jealous for someone else’s success, i.e., someone achieving the dream you dreamed or someone being promoted etc. Jealousy or envy against things and achievements are so unproductive unless they are the driving force for you to stand up and do something.
And here, let me tell you something. Success requires sacrifices. And when I say, “sacrifices”, it doesn’t mean the cute thing like “making an effort”. No, I’m talking about “sacrificing the family time to go to a strip club with the boss to get a promotion” type of sacrifice. Or “betraying the partner and stealing all the invested money to start one’s own business and getting really rich out of it” type of sacrifice, or maybe even “giving up the 20yo dream to be rich on something you’re good at rather than at something you wish you were good at” type of sacrifice.
They may throw away their other dreams, humanity, squander away the precious time with their away loved ones, throw morality down into the drain in order to succeed. Remember, Millennials! To succeed in something, you may have to leave something behind to be the No.1
So, think about it. How far will you go in order to succeed in something?
Another topic is jealousy in relationships: this is the root of evil, the ultimate cause of breakups and the catastrophic, misleading, useless emotion in relationships. First, why do most of the people worry about things that HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET? If you want to think about the things that don’t exist, be a space physicist or something.
Why do you people, worry about the past? Past is past. Your partners are here with you because they love You and not their exes that they broke up ages ago.
You know what jealousy is in reality? It’s the proof of lack of self-confidence. If you were confident in yourself, you wouldn’t even care about Who is who? and Who did what? You would care nothing but about how you feel about yourself. Even if someone succeeded in something, you won’t give a damn because you are sure you are the best and you know you will succeed eventually. That’s the mind of a confident person. If your loved one gets a message from their exes, why would you care? You are the pretty one, you are the nice one, you are loved, everything is fine. Why? If your partner cheated on you, so what? Be confident and stop being jealous over stupid things. Jealousy is a self-defense mechanism in your mind that protects you by having you imagine some crazy circumstances that haven’t happened yet and having you thinking your reaction and protecting you from the ultimate ending. You worry, then you don’t say that to the other person because it shows how little you trust them, and then you get jealous. So, to prevent this happening in your life, stop worrying! Have confidence in yourself! You are top-priority! Stop regarding your partner as God or something.
2. Worry (Anxiety, Panic)
Worry about things that
1) haven’t happened yet
2) already happened and it’s too late
3) are about to happen
Is the next most needless emotion in your life. Let’s say you can’t get in touch with a very important person for you and you are dead worried. That actually shows that you are not a psycho. So in that case, maybe you should worry. When the matter you are so worried about doesn’t involve death and is outside of your influence, then the time you sit and worry is just plain waste. No matter how much you think about it, time will not go quicker, and the matter will not be solved by your worrying. The matter/situation/whatever is on your mind will change or get solved when you acted or when there is outside influence. And definitely not when you were lying in your bed worrying about it. Unfortunately, we can’t yet influence things merely by our thoughts. We haven’t reached that point in our technology.
And in the extremity, you’ll start panicking. If you’re late for a meeting because of whatever stupid reasons for more than half n hour, you should be panicked. And, you should think about your lack of common sense.
However, panicking over some undone work, or that annoying client who is more impatient than you, or your demanding boss or anything, will not solve the problem!
So when you feel panicked, first off, calm down. There is a reason everyone recommends people to take deep breaths when panicking. While you are having deep breaths, parasympathetic nerves will help your heart rate slow down and your mind to calm down as well. Then, once you came back to yourself, you can list up all the options you can take to solve what is bugging you. And then, just do them one by one. If you don’t do anything, there is nothing to stress about.
3. Expectations (Hopes)
From today on, let’s stop expecting anything from someone or something. Expectations are the ideal ending to a fairy tale that is happening only inside your brains. Expectations are your biased beliefs. We human beings are naturally free of any restrictions. We will do whatever comes up in our minds, whenever we shall feel like doing it. We are all merely compromising so the current society system will work.
Hopes that your loved one will buy you a Tiffany ring on your anniversary (that probably you only remember), hope that she will text you back because, of course, she is madly in love with YOU and not that handsome senior guy, expectations of promotion, that you will surely win your lottery this time, that your friend will celebrate your bday as glamorously as you did for them….
We expect so much from people. And tell me what is so special about you that I have to do something for you in return? So many people these days mistake favor with obligation. Favor is a favor. You have the right to do whatever you damn please. And you don’t have to give anything in return if you thought that it’s not worth your time or you have better things to do.
We human beings are very selfish. We say things and a second later we do totally opposite things. And we get hurt when we can’t get what we so desperately expected to get. Nothing is absolute, even the universe will end someday. Stop expecting anything from your family, society, friends, lovers. Everything has a potential to, one day, become a completely different thing.
Anger is an interesting emotion. We express anger when something does not go our way, and we want to make sure that the other party knows how wrong or stupid they are. Unless they are very mature and tolerant people, being pissed at someone won’t change them. If they knew, they wouldn’t have done what pissed you off.
People nowadays have such short span of concentration. We can’t really hold our attention for more than 5 minutes without being distracted. We take everything out on surroundings just because we are in a bad mood, and the other party doesn’t even know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Human beings can be cruel.
We also tend to get pissed when someone points out our weak spots or when someone has a better argument. We hate being criticized and we don’t like being told what we can and can’t do. Thus, we will argue and will try to prove how correct WE are. Because We know more, better, and our majesties are always right. Nothing right comes up out of anger! Learn it, Millennials! Not arguing back is not showing your weakness, it’s showing how mature you are. It’s one of the important skills in socializing. Don’t react on anger by anger. If you want to hurt someone (this is a horrible advice), try ignoring them. Ignoring their presence/ existence is the best way to hurt someone. NOT being pissed at them thereby acknowledging their existence.
So far, we have talked about the 4 unproductive emotions that you should get rid of, but overall I think the most important emotion to get rid of among these is to lose hope. Because losing hope is, in a sense, very sad. Being hopeless (don’t mix it up with being depressed) means being passive. You may even lose chances to protect yourself. Losing hope is the last resort to protect yourself from the outside cruelty. Some people go insane because they were betrayed. That’s why it is tricky to have hope. It messes with your mental health. It’s a never-ending fight with your conscience and if you master the art of not having hope, you’ll become very strong and very cold.
Consider how far you can go to kill these emotions. Thanks for reading and looking forward to your comments.
Be calm, be stable, Millennials