“Mom, I want to kill you” Pt.1 – The Story of Anny –

This was kind of a difficult topic for me, and yet I decided to dedicate the next 3 of FREE WEEKEND TOPICS articles to a creature that society named “mother”.

What is a mother to you? Who is it? What is it? Is mother someone whom you can rely on? Perhaps someone like a friend? To some, a mother is very strict, annoying, crazy, or just plain normal or maybe everything combined. Everyone applies a different image to their own mother. Image differs depending on whether you are the only child, daughter or son, oldest or youngest in the family.

Now, let me introduce you to a girl “Anny”. (Fictional, sort of. )

When Anny was little, a mother to Anny was “a mom”. Mom was never there when little Anny wanted her to be, and Anny would often feel very sad and lonely. Anny missed mom a lot. Whenever mom came to pick Anny up from school, Anny would jump around in joy and tell all other kids that her mom came to pick her up. Others wondered, what was so special about a mom coming to pick Anny up. Although Anny did not have a happy family, she loved to make other people laugh.
At some point in Anny’s life, Anny lived with her grandma. Her grandma was very, very strict. Anny did not like to go anywhere with grandma because other kids had their young moms and dads wherever they went. Anny was the only one to go anywhere with grandma. Anny felt shy to be seen with her grandma in public, so she would often throw tantrums. Anny’s grandma, however, did not like Anny’s tantrums. So she made very sure Anny behaved. And Anny got traumatized by grandma. Anny still does not remember much from that time.

Because Anny’s mom was almost never home, Anny’s grandma and mom were always fighting about that. Dishes were smashed, police would come, once even mom got hurt and was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night. Mom and dad would often fight over something called “child support”, which Anny did not know the meaning of.
One day, dad disappeared from Anny’s life. Anny never contacted him again even after she became of age. To this day, she does not know whether he is alive or not.

Anny went to a local elementary school and grew very fast. Because mom and grandma were constantly fighting, grandma, like Anny’s dad, left mom and Anny and went back to her home.
The current law system will most of the time, be on the mother’s side. And back in those days, it was even more on the mother’s side. Mother is a mother, no matter how shitty she may be. Anny at that time wanted to live with her mom, and not with anyone else. Anny was happy to finally be able to live with mom. But Mom wasn’t. Anny was 9.

When Anny turned 10, she became a big sister. Anny is a big sister to a brother who did not resemble her at all for various, complicated reasons Anny did not understand. And, to be honest, she didn’t really care. Her younger brother was too cute. Anny’s brother had an illness, no one in Anny’s country knew or heard of. And his appearance didn’t tell he was ill. Later when Anny became 13, her brother got sick with another illness. Mom was exhausted from taking care of Anny’s brother. Anny couldn’t help her mom, she was just 13. Society wouldn’t help them either. Anny’s mom slowly lost her mind. She was weak and couldn’t work, so 3 of them were put under government support.

When Anny became a junior high school student, Anny’s mom was diagnosed to be depressed. Anny’s mom couldn’t get up, do anything, and was always crying. A helper came and helped with cooking and housework, but Anny did not understand what was wrong with her mom. I mean, Anny had fun in school, had friends, and even someone she secretly had a crush on. Life is so fun! Anny had so much fun when she was laughing out hard rolling on the school floor with her friends, while mom, just slowly became insane.

Anny, being naturally clever, took a government exam and got into a public high school. She could have chosen a better, private school, but who’s going to pay for that?

Mom stopped doing anything. Mom stopped cooking, cleaning, mom would start screaming and yelling without a reason.

When Anny turned 17, mom became “a mother”.

Every day, dishes were smashed, textbooks were torn, everything was torn apart. Threats of not paying for college tuition unless Anny does what mother says, threats of kicking out Anny from home. And where would Anny go? Anny would often stay at school after lessons and she would study there for hours and hours so she doesn’t have to go home. Her only escape was to devote herself to academia. To be on top, because grades and numbers never betray.

Mom started developing paranoia. Now she’s in a lot of trouble outside the home.

Part. 2


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